Friday, 30 September 2016

- Everything or Anything -

Dear friends,

we all have mental breakdowns. They happen thanks to every single thing what we're doing- are they happy or not, they just happen. And for me, they have become a bit of an every-day thing. Sorry, if it's too mental and weird and just- "ugh"- for you, but this is my blog. My sweet corner, where I can talk about everything and no one can judge me for that, am I right..? 
we are never always okay, but that doesn't mean that we can never be okay again. I know people who have thought that they'll never be okay again and ended a lot worser than they felt before. I don't want anything like this to happen to me, so that's the reason I am writing here, right now, on the last day of September, because this first month of school has been really exhausting. I just need some rest, but I can not let myself to do this, because even this weekend is completely booked for me. 
Tomorrow, at 12:30pm, I need to be at my singing studio; we are going to have a rehearsal and then, somewhere around 1pm, I need to go and perform with my songs. Jeez. Wish me luck, eh?
And on Sunday, I am going to have a rehearsal as well. 
I am a violinist in the one and only "Livonian Youth Orchestra", we have rehearsals every month. Absolutely every month, and I honestly have to say- "this time I don't feel like playing violin on a Sunday. Sorry." but eventually, I will propably find myself at 11:30am, in front of a bus stop, holding my violin case in one, and my bag in the other hand, waiting for my Livonian Youth Orchestra transport to arrive. heh. "You never get tired." some people say that to me too often to know the truth. I get tired. I am tired right now. And I will get tired every day I live. That's normal, isn't it? We all get tired! Oh my god, if you could see me in real life, you would be shocked how big dark circles I've got under my eyes, but I am not complaining. Not in front of my relatives or family. But yes, In here I do. And sorry for that. It won't happen again. Or it might. But let's just hope that they're not going to happen very soon, okay? Yeah. I'll try my best. 

Autumn. It's a time when we all should be happier for the upcoming "Festive season"- time and be soon very excited about Christmas. I am. Trying my best to think not that far away and concentrate on the place, the time I live in right now. On this exact same moment when I type these words into my keyboard and look out of the window. It's windy today. The trees are swinging, apples are falling down from the apple trees... the whole garden is covered with leaves and it feels like autumn. In a long time it truly feels like it. 

I don't know, what I was doing before I was born. 
Sometimes I imagine myself being up there. In the sky. Higher than sky. Higher than anything and waiting for my time to come. It was something I was waiting for a long time before it happened. 
I was born too early. I mean- I am okay. I don't have any diseases. I am a healthy girl. I love to do sports- my body is strong, but my mind... Well... Sometimes a bit weaker than the other half of me. 
I have some breakdowns. Mental ones. Really. I can cry or just sit and look out of the window for hours and just think, because I am too tired. I am exhausted, but I don't want to sleep. I don't know why. And I know what you might be afraid of- "No, friends! I am not ill or very- very sick. I am fine. Just a little bit tired, that's all." Don't worry. I am okay. Absolutely fine. πŸ˜Š

When I was little, I used to imagine that I am someone very famous. Someone who people know. And when we travelled to Latvia, to Riga, then I used to cover my face with my hands when we were driving in a car. That was my way of covering my face from paparazzies. It was exciting and funny, and one of the coolest things I could think of. 
I used to write, sing, and dance back then, as well. 

Right now, I feel upset when some relatives come across to me on the streets. I don't know why, because I love them all. They are my friends, they're my relatives, my family, but I still feel upset. When I see someone, I act like a freak- I turn away. And if they even notice me, I am far- far away. Closed into my own world. Where no one could find me. 
Rubbish, eh? I know. I feel embarrassed myself. Ugh. 

I love writing and reading. It is always something special. A new start. A start of something new. 
Writing is.. just something I am good at. I can't put it in any other words. I am just good at it. For me, writing is like breathing. I need to do it to stay alive, or else, I will fall down. Everything closed in me. Desperate to come out. Desperate to even let me move. It's hard. 

Clouds. They ended up in the sky, didn't they? 
I wish I could be as free. But I can't. I have so much to do. 
"It's fine."
I know, but still. 
It's okay. I don't even think about it. 
"I know."
I know, you know. 

... And then everything goes black. I know what you might think- what the bloody hell was that?!
It's something what I just wrote. It's something what just popped in my mind on this exact moment. It's not perfect. It's not poetic or brilliant, but that's what I find good about it. That's what I am supposed to do in my life. 
It's me. I belong to writing. 
I belong to my own life. I am in the judge of my own life and I don't feel upset about it.
Writing is my life.

People have told me, that they don't think I am good at writing. That I should study more chemistry or biology or maths. Or at least languages. To become a teacher. 
When I was younger, I wanted to become a journalist, because I have loved writing since I was about 6 years old. My first stories were written when I was six years old. 
I WAS SIX! I loved writing, even if my stories were weird and brutally funny. I loved it even back then. People have said, that writing isn't a big deal. "That it isn't something what You could find yourself doing at,"- they've said to me. They've said: "Writing is not what you should like as a teenager. You can deal with it when you're old. But right now- you need to live a normal teenagers life. Make friends, not sit alone in the corner and write something no one can ever read." 
I remember that I started laughing. I remember how the person who said it to me, looked at me and rolled her eyes. Totally rolled her eyes. She hates me, but she needs to see me every Christmas and on her and my birthdays. It's my dad's mum. She brutally hates me. She never wants to see me. I know- my mum and dad say the same: "She doesn't hate you. She's just not used to teenagers behaviour. Not with a girl like you. You have your own opinion to every single thing." 
I know, mum and dad. I live in my own body and I own this mind. Funny, eh?

Books. I am a part of everything I've read. I am a part of every single thing I read and what I see with my eyes. Everything I want myself to remember, I will remember it. No matter what book I read. 
Books are mirrors: You only see in them, what you already have inside you. Everything matters what you read. Absolutely everything is important. It doesn't matter what you find important when you read it- trust me, it is important. 
Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out. 
Books are my escape from the crazy reality. I have my own favorites what I could read over and over again, and I will never ever get bored. I have a goal for this year as well- I want to read "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte BrontΓ«. I absolutely have a goal to do it! Honestly! Please remind me to do it if I forget. 

Singing. It's a piece of me. I've done it as long as I can remember. My mother proves it. She says I began to sing long before I could talk. The first time I went on a singing competition, I was four years old. I can't remember what I felt on the stage when I was singing. Not really. But I can remember a little flick of the time I sang on a big stage. It felt scary to hear my voice so loud. I was four years old. And since that time, I've sang as long as I can remember. Tomorrow, I need to hear my voice loud again, and I feel like my heart is trying to jump out of my chest. It's already beating like crazy and when I think about it, I am getting even more and more nervous. Oh my god. Please wish me luck! But on the same time, I just love the feeling I get whenever I sing. On the stage or off the stage. I am not the best singer, but I am trying to be a bit better one. 
Again, singing is a part of my soul and I could never give it away. Honestly. I feel sorry for Ariel right now for that short amount of time when she lost her voice. I couldn't live like this. 
I remember times when I've lost my voice because of a sore throat and.. (I hope my vocal speciality teacher is not going to read it) well I've still sang. Even if she told me not to do it, I still have. What a terrible girl, am I right? 

Let's just say, we all have something what we love. In my serious and a very complicated case, it's about 5 things, what I couldn't live without. (My hobbies, of course. Not breathing or heartbeats..)

1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Singing
4. Dancing
5. Photographing

You know... it only takes about 5 things to change your life entirely. I wasn't the person who I am right now before I started doing all of these things. We all have our own secrets of what we love. 
Mine are these five, up there. 

Well, I am really sorry, my friends. This one was a bit long, very rambly and very.. weird- mooded. 
I am sorry. I will try my best not to let it happen again. I am truly sorry. 

*Tight hugs for my best friends- you*

Lots of Love 

Rosie xo

Friday, 23 September 2016

- Picking mushrooms and The Forest Gallery -

Hello and happy Autumn, everybody! πŸƒ

Sorry- I haven't talked to you for a while, but now, I am definetly making a blog post, because me and my beloved family went on a trip to the forest to pick mushrooms and take pictures. 
(P.S. Me and my dad are photoholic's.πŸ‘) 
We picked some mushrooms, because we all love them, and took photos about everything. 
My another hobby is editing video clips (but on Windows Movie Maker) SO i took some video clips and I am going to edit them all into our home- video. ☺

The weather was really nice, but a bit cold. We live in Estonia, so that 15℃ is quite normal for September- weather, what I would like to call sweater- weather ALREADY. Yeah, winter is on it's way. ☺
The sky was slightly cloudy, but that's what I personally love about Autumn. ☺ I just love it so much! πŸ˜‰

Me and my dad took A LOT of photos, but you can only guess once who won------ Me, obviously. πŸ˜
I just love walking in the forest or in the woods and I adore the smell of trees, leaves and (yes, you might think it's yucky, but I like it) mushrooms. Just pure, natural, fresh and amazing Estonian mushrooms. πŸ‘Œ

But now- enough talking!
I am going to insert my pictures now. Hehe- hope you enjoy, my loved ones. ❤

Yeah! You made it to this point! Woooooooo! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you SO much guys for checking out my weird and (sometimes) boring posts. 
I hope you still enjoyed it!

Lots of love! ❤

- Miss Snowflake - 

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

- A series of books you need to read in your lifetime -

Hello again!
I know I have been away for a loooong time, but my new timetable is just really trying to split me into 100 000 pieces. Honestly- it's a pure madness! But, I am not here to complain about my timetable and how tired I am. πŸ˜Š I wanted to write about the series of books what I have been loving and just reading non- stop until I could finish them all. πŸ˜Š Hehe, what a booknerd. 

But you can only guess from my last posts about reading and reading AND READING those books- so here they come!

Woooo!! I am just so excited to finally discuss the books with you because I have been keeping those thoughts inside me SO HARDLY that I was afraid to explode. 

Let's just start from the first book, okay? 

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones  

Let me just be straight- It was an absolute thriller, because I loved it so much!
I have seen the movie about this first book (a giant applause to Lily Collins and Jamie Campbell Bower πŸ˜‚) and I ABSOLUTELY loved it, so I thought i would give this book a try. 
And I did. 
And I couldn't put it away. 
I read it when I was on my trip to Gotland and got told off by my friends SO many times, because the only way you could see me, was sitting and reading my books. πŸ˜‚ #BooknerdProbs
Basically- if you have no idea what the book is about then read this: 

The Mortal Instruments is about a BIG nation of people, who call themselves shadowhunters and hunt demons who try to kill the human race. 
The main character in all the books is called Clarissa -Clary- Fray, who is a normal girl living a normal life and she has a best friend called Simon Lewis. 
Then she meets Jace, Alec and Isabelle Lightwood and her life starts to change. 
Clary's mom is missing; she is falling in love with Jace and she has no idea what is the REAL world around her. Clary tries to find her mom, sort out her feelings with Jace and understand who and what she really is. 
This 1st book of Cassandra Clare's (6- book series) "TMI" as they are usually called, was, for me, the most interesting and exciting book. I can honestly tell you, that if you love "stabby- stabby"and "sassmasters" fiction, then- well, you can just start reading right now! πŸ˜‚

The Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes 

Basically- I honeslty adored the little.. romance-darkness-pain-stuff what was in this book. I am such a badass girl when it comes to books where there's some romance and some hard feelings, then you can bet on that I am have read the book you were thinking about. 
I just can't give you a sneak- peek, because then I would propably tell you every little detail about the book and then I could propably be the worst teenage bookworm on earth. πŸ˜­
(I know, I am just totally linking a Wikipedia link here. Ugh. Kill me, please. 😭)
(P.S. Do not read the Wikipedia link if you don't need any spoilers in your life. πŸ˜Š)
The Mortal Instruments: City of Glass
A wikipedia link here, because I just can't describe anything. ugh. (But if you don't want any spoilers, then DO NOT read the wikipedia link. NO. DON'T YOU DARE.)
Clary's trip to Idris is coming closer. Jace doesn't want her to go and they leave without Clary. She is really upset and creates a portal, goes to Idris and THEN the amazing thriller begins. πŸ˜Š

The Mortal Instruments: City of  Fallen Angels

I am not going to leave the wikipedia link down here. I am just not. Ugh. NOPE. 
Jace and Clary are a happy couple and there doesn't seem to be anything that could ruin their happiness.. until Jace starts acting weird and keeps getting lost from Clary's life. 
Their love story keeps getting even more complicated than before. 

The Mortal Instruments: City of  Lost Souls

Jace is gone. Clary is getting worried. Everything seems to be out of control, but..
Then Jace appears, Clary is making choices what could kill her. 
Yes, my darlings: This love story can get even more complicated, but in this book, almoust all the main characters are in the spotlight and not just Clary and Jace. πŸ˜Š

The Mortal Instruments: City of Heavenly Fire

Clary, Jace, Isabelle, Alec and Simon continue the battle against Sebastian Morgenstern and the Endarkened Shadowhunters. They end up in Edom and start even bigger battle against Sebastian. 
Their friendship and love is really in the centre of the view in this books and I honestly loved, that EVERY AND EACH ONE of the main characters is in the spotlight. πŸ˜Š
It's all going to be a massive heartbreak for you all, but I guarantee, it's all worth it. 

I just want to say, it's all only my opinion, but.. you know. It's not the best. I really need to practice the part where I describe the books and not give all of it away. Hehe. πŸ˜Š
But I still hope you enjoyed this post. 
Let me know if you have read these books before or give me some more advice on blogging and reading. 
I would really like to know what books are YOUR faves!!

I love you too much! ❤

Lots of Love! 

- Miss Snowflake - 

Comment down below what you find the best!

See you next time!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Friday, 2 September 2016

- The biggest freak you have ever met (me.) School Ramble vol 1. -

Hello, my cute Shadowhunters!
(Sorry!!! I am reading the 6th book right now. Please forgive me.)

But- today was my first official SCHOOL DAY in my new school! How crazy is that?!
Let's be real- starting a new school is not the easiest thing you could think of, am I right?

For me, (let's thank the angels, eh?), it's quite easy, because I have some really great friends of mine in my new class and.. I mean, the friendzone- thing is amazing, but getting lost, is a huge problem. : )

Let me give you a hint: If you are in a new school- PLEASE FOLLOW YOUR CLASSMATES! 
Do not think that you can handle it, even if you think you know the school you're in. Just.. stay close to your classmates and.. talk to them. Say that you don't know where to go and hopefully they will lead you to your class. (Then you've just got to hope that they are not the biggest jerks in your school and they will actually lead you to the right classroom. But let's hope they're not freaks. Yessss, girl. The best advice ever- notes to self. *hides her face in her hands* πŸ™ˆ )

I know- it's a lot to handle with, but YOU CAN DO IT!

(Oooh- guys, comment down below what do you think about your school if you are new! I would really like to know and please give the others (and me.. heh.) some tips, how to become a bit more social in your new school. : )

Let's just hope that this year will be okay and we don't need to worry about anything awful. : )
You can always be positive (well, Rosie. You are definetly not. Notes to myself vol 2. *embarrassing giggles*)

But basically- today I only followed my friends and they were waiting for me, when some teachers wanted to talk to me- which happened A LOT. Honestly- they ALL wanted to talk to me about everrrrything(!), so my friends were literally THE BEST today. : )
Really happy about that. 
But in the morning- ouch, in the morning, everything was a lot more difficult. πŸ™ˆ 
It was so weird to stand in the middle of the corridors and just stare at the others, because I had no idea where to go. But thankfully a realllllllyyy great friend of mine helped me (again) and she literally dragged me to the door of my classroom where I needed to go. I was waiting outside the classroom, but then the boys, who are in my class, just flew in (literally, flew) the classroom and I followed them. 
So FINALLY I made it to that point. : ) Thank the angels, Rosie.

Thankfully- my timetable isn't the worst on Friday which is good- I am really happy with that. Basically getting home by 4 p.m (16:00) is amazingly great! : )
But still- I need to set the times for my music school: violin, solfeggio, musical history and singing lessons, what I take. (Let's be real- all of us would give anything to quit solfeggio, πŸ™Œ but this is not happening. At least not for me, sadly.)
On Mondays I literally have 7 lessons, what end about 2 p.m (14:00) which is really great as well, because it manages to make it back home quite early and not like-- eight in the evening.
And I am really glad I can be back home so early like it is right now. Last year I was on my way home at 7 p.m. (19:00)!!
(Seven a.m. the usual morning lineup.. beedoo Disney song alert)

Did you see my last blog post? It was about the 1st of September and it's really a big ramble!!

Anyways- I hope my lovely Shadowhunters (you) are doing really well, because, as it turns out, I am doing great! : ) *happy dance*

I am going to finish my "TMI" book as soon as possible, because I PROMISED you guys to write a blog post!! : )

But now, I am going to go and eat something, because I am so hungry.. : )

See you next time and...


See you!!! πŸ˜˜


- Miss Snowflake -

This is not my rose, just saying. It's from a flower- shop. But how gorgeous is that?! πŸŒΉπŸ’

Thursday, 1 September 2016

- September ramble and, sadly, Back To School.. -

Happy 1st of Semptember, my dearest ones of them all!!!

Can you actually believe it?
Like, literally: "It's the bloody Autumn season now, basically!"

And I need to go back to school, because in Estonia, school starts on the 1st of September. 
Which is, of course, a really great time and we have our summer holidays for about 3 months, but still.. School? No- no- no. Not yet, please. It just started to feel like summer outside and now you are dragging us back to school? NOPE. Not going to happen. 
(Well, let's be real. It IS happening tho. And I am 50/50 happy and sad about it...)

Anyways- today we had our as called "School- director's speeches" what I heard about.. 3 times in a row..(?) because I went to 3.. what's that word.. meetings? Or.. public ceremonies (as the Google Translate page says.. haha, life struggles.) SO- basically now, I know every word what our Directors said. mwhahahhahahhaa- evil laugh, eh?

But- none or less, I actually managed to get through my FABULOUS day, when I felt like, it's not autumn at all, and WHY THE BLOODY HELL you need to get us back to school?
Basically, this evening I am trying to make it a bit more autumnal and make myself some hot chocolate and (change my blog template.. hehe) draw or watch a movie, as long as I don't need to do any homework yet. "YAAAAASSSSS!!!" 

I hope, that you, the loveliest friends of mine, enjoyed this post and next time- ooh, next time, I am going to make a post about "The Mortal Instruments" books! Literally I've read all of them, except the 6TH ONE! I just can't find my time to read it, but I PROMISE YOU (heard it here first!) that I've read it the next time I meet you! I PROMISE!!

I as well hope that you are going to have (or you already have) a really nice schoolyear and I hope that you've got some really great friends as well! (When you don't have any, then we can become the -bestest- friends! Just email me! Links down below!) Let's just try to make the end of 2016 the BEST autumn- time ever! I love you so bloody much, that I can't even explain it to you, how much I appreciate you! I'm so honored to have the best friends, in my blog, EVER. : )

I just love you, guys! : )

I hope you enjoyed this blog post and I am going to see you again very soon with another very special and EXCITING blog post!!



- Miss Snowflake - 



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Yep, the roses are still beautiful as hell!